Men Can Be Confusing Too

via email:

"m.rose,
I casually dated a guy a few years back but because of distance, we broke it off but stayed in touch. Lately, he has been very persistent in wanting to speak on a regular basis and have deep conversations. The only thing is, when either of us in in the other person's town, he avoids me like the plague!! What is going on?"

In order to answer this one fully, I think I'd need more information. Let's meet up for coffee on the moon tomorrow at 8pm Eastern Standard Time, unknown person. But really, this is a perfect example of how men can be just as confusing as women! Men don't understand women because we have a different mood every day. But when men become confusing, it's usually because they're feeling some sort of emotion and must suppress it with every fiber of their being. Cause you know, all guys do is play football, drink beer and make fire. Unfortunately, you can blame society for that one. (smallprint: not EVERY guy on the planet is like this, so men don't get too offended)

As far as your guy goes, the best approach would be the direct one. There might be something specific he wants to tell you (he's gay? ha kidding) but can't. Or he might just be flakey. Whatever it is, just ask him. Guys usually respond best to directness- they don't take hints very well, which I'm sure you've noticed if you've ever tried to subtly hint to a guy about anything. Just ask him what's up. That might solve the mystery of "The Guy Who Wants To Talk But Not See Your Face."

A Blog About Settling

Just a few words about something that I think a lot of people find themselves doing...I do not believe anyone should ever settle. Ever. There are so many arenas for settling: jobs, relationships, location, etc. We all know someone who's gotten married only because they've been with their partner for so long, or stayed at their job because they were afraid to do something different. What ever happened to reaching for the stars? Or even just being happy?

There is no reason to ever settle in anything you do. Sure it might be easier, sure it would cause less of a raucous, but in the end it's worth it to pursue what truly brings you joy. Life is full of billions of possibilities- many jobs for you to enjoy, many future relationships to bring contentment, so don't sell yourself short. Embrace the unknown! Listen to that country guy singing about skydiving and Rocky Mountain climbing... and other things you would do if you were dying that rhyme with each other! Live life to the fullest! I'm out of cliches!

YOU Are More Important Than Your Dates

via email:

"dear m.rose,

i was dating a guy for about 10 months, everything seemed to be going great, he was letting me keep things in his apartment and i met his best friends. we decided to take time apart for a little while which i thoroughly enjoyed. then, all of a sudden, he expressed interest in wanting to see me again, but only casually. but, i discovered, through a popular networking website of all places, that he is in a relationship with another girl, albeit an unattractive one! when i confronted him about it, he changed the subject and told me he wasn't trying to play games with me. what gives?

love,
never date an investment banker"

Banker hater- it's understandable that you're confused with Mr. Dolla Dolla Billz (investment bankers do make good money...) because he IS playing games with you. It's a typical douche move. Douche talks for 3 hours about how much of a douche he isn't...thus proving that he is in fact a douche (and fooling no one with his act). The mere fact that Dolla Billz has to say he's not playing games just incriminates him even more.

I think what's happening is that he wants his cake and filet mignon at the same time (you're the steak). Clearly his store-bought plastic-frosting cake girlfriend isn't enough for him, so he's going back to you to get a little mignon on the side. But what's this guy done to get all that goodness? Absolutely nothing from where I'm sitting. You deserve better.

The bottom line is that this guy isn't good enough for you. If he was, he wouldn't have another girlfriend at the moment- all his focus would be on you. You're the steak remember! Clearly he'd rather be with plastic frosting. Move on.

Why Men and Women Aren't Meant to be Friends

via email:

"m.rose,
I have a lot of guy friends (I'm a girl.) I recently got a boyfriend and my best guy friend has been acting weird ever since! He gets mad when I see my boyfriend on the weekends and rolls his eyes when I bring up my bf. My friend is NOT mean, what's his problem?"
Katie, OR"

Well Katie, first of all, guy friends are great- isn't it nice to get away from catty girls once in a while? However, your boyfriend-obtaining is causing a common problem with your friend- I'm going to call him Roy. Roy is jealous. Now, it may be for 1 of 2 reasons. #1: Jealous Roy thinks you've replaced him. He doesn't see you anymore and misses your time together. Or #2: Roy wants to be more than your friend and is mad that your StudlyBF got there first. Unfortunately, #2 is more often the case. I say unfortunately because I'm sure you have no interest in Jealous Roy. He's a great friend, but no romantic feelings are there.

Here's the cold hard truth about guy friends. About 99.9867% of your guy friends would kill to date you. See, women can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex easily (hence why we're the better sex of course), but for guys, it's much harder. If a guy thinks you're cool enough to hang out with, you're most likely on his list of "Women I Would Take Out for a Nice Steak Dinner And Then See Where It Goes From There." And this is why I believe that men and women cannot be friends. Male/female friendships are like that damn Rubix cube- a puzzle that nobody can solve, and those that can should be studied.

It's up to you how you handle Roy Wants to be Your Boyfriend from this point on. Just be aware that he may have feelings for you, and this will make having a platonic friendship difficult.

Welcome! m.rose is here for all your advice needs. For ways to send problems, please see the top of the blog. Start sending in those problems now, and get the answers you need! The advice starts now.....