My Ex is Back and I Really Don't Like It...Hey La Hey La...

via email:

"dear m. rose,

i have a strange question. my exes always reappear in my life. no matter whether we broke up amicably or wanted to kill each other by the end of the relationship. they ALWAYS come back! now, i understand the ex that i am on good terms with initiating things, since things ended on good terms. but why would my exes that by the end of the relationships we couldn't stand each other- why would they want to out of the blue start being in touch, after weeks, months, sometimes years? it just doesn't make sense! the kicker is that i usually hear from them all in waves. like i heard from 2 within 3 days. can you shed some light on this situation?

love,
he never called me this much when we were together, and now he puts me on speed dial?"

Aren't exes a pain? Most people can't stand the fact that they have exes, especially when they continue to call or run into you. I personally feel that talking to your ex after you've broken up is pointless and will only harm you (unless you were friends first for a long while and then dated)...but my opinion is very skewed because I hardly have any real exes (and am therefore really lucky hah!).

So let's take a look at your problem. I think there may be a few reasons why your past lovers are harassing you. You might be able to tell which one goes with which ex, or if you just want an explanation, you can eenie-meenie-miney-mo it. Here we go!
1) They miss you- sometimes after a long while, we forget all the bad stuff that happened in a relationship and only remember the good. Hence, the "I miss my ex" times...this usually happens when your ex is single and has absolutely nothing going on in their life (not even good TV to watch). The best you can do is not fall prey to this--you two broke up for a reason.

2) They want you to miss them- This is the other side to explanation #1. If they do have a lot going on in their lives and want to shove it in your face, they might call you a lot all of a sudden. This is usually because they want you to miss them, or feel regret for the relationship ending. Usually though, they just want an ego boost, so this is another one to not fall for.

3) They want to hook up- This is almost worse than numbers 1 and 2 because they're trying to go back to something they had (that's you) for something they should be getting with someone new. Basically, an ex will try this if they're lonely (aka nothing going on, not even TV) and dateless and otherwise pathetic and need I go on? I know we're all human and blah blah blah, but really. Hooking up with an ex is never a good way to move on, so any ex that tries this is kind of sad.

4) They truly have gotten past everything that happened between you two in relationship and they really just want to develop an honest and beautiful friendship with you- .....haha! You know, this one is really unlikely. I'm not saying it's out of the question, but this might only happen if you were good friends before dating, or perhaps in your scenario where things ended very well. If you and your ex just decided that you weren't right for each other romantically but still got along, this could be the case. Otherwise, be wary of any ex who tries to get you to believe that this is the case.

Basically, exes are evil. They can unnecessarily complicate your life in so many annoying ways, so I say any ex that you don't want to talk to, follow your gut and stay away. But if there is an ex that you enjoyed spending time with, try out a friendship and see what happens. But definitely follow your gut. And make sure you focus on the here and now, not the past. It might save you some sanity at the end of the day.