When the Trust Game Leads to Stalking

via email:

"Dear M. Rose,

Once upon a time, my boyfriend gave me his email password when I helped set up his Blackberry. Despite being an incredibly nosy person, I never logged into his account to spy, since doing so would have been a complete invasion of privacy and wrong (hello! ). However, all those privacy principles went out the window when we went through a rough period in our relationship. I assuaged many of my fears and insecurities by reading his emails, hoping to find a reason to explain why he was acting like such a crappy boyfriend. I never did, and several months later we've managed to work through most of (my) trust and insecurity issues and our relationship is back to normal - almost! Despite being happy and feeling more secure, I am still completely addicted to checking his email to confirm he isn't doing anything naughty! I have never done anything other than passively read emails of interest, but at the end of the day, I realize how stalkerish and compulsive my behavior is. And besides, it would be completely mortifying if I was ever caught by him, which is only a matter of time. I'm starting to feel more obsessed than in love with him, but I don't know how to stop myself. Help!

Sincerely,

Addicted to Love"

Addicted to love (and email checking), it sounds like this is a trust issue. Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, be it a boyfriend, friend or your dentist. You gotta have trust, otherwise you won't want to get close to the person (or let that person get near your chompers). When you started checking the emails, it was because you probably felt the trust slipping...and therefore you let your principles about privacy slip too. I'm not blaming you- I think a lot of us would probably do the same, though we'd never admit it. But it's time to stop the OCD email spying.

I think the bottom line is that you never found anything incriminating in his emails even when you were going through the rough, brier patch part of your relationship, right? Obviously your boyfriend doesn't have anything to hide, and that should calm down your fears. There's no need to go all stalkerazzi on him; there never was. Now, you should stop checking his email out of respect for him, and your relationship. If he finds out, he's going to lose trust in YOU. And then you'll be back to the brier patch. Isn't trust such a fun thing??

As an added bonus to your request for m.rose to solve your problem, if you ever check your boyfriend's email again, I'm going to taser you (I have mind-control powers, don't tell anyone). But in all seriousness, leave the spying for James Bond. And if you ever have the urge, just think about all those boring emails you saw about fantasy baseball and Obama v. Hilary and maybe it'll calm you down. You don't want to mess with the trust in your relationship- like Heidi Montag's dignity, once it's gone...you'll never get it back.

This could be your future....